And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
