Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
