I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
