Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
