I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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