I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
