Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I believe in your delicious
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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