READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
