covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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