Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
