id be glad to
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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