do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize