So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
