6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
