So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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