You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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