I just pynch a tree in the face
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
