THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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