Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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