i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
