i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize