Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
