When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
