I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize