I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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