I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
