I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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