meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
