I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
