goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
