remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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