Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize