he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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