Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
