i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
