i barfeds in our rink
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
