I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize