So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
