there's paper in my vomit.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
