That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
