I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i drank out of a bidet.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
