He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
