it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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