My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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