I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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