Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
