Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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