We won't sleep together?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
