Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize