Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
