So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
