Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
