eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
