Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
