Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
