So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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