If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm really busy with my period
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