I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
