you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
