That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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