Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
