Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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