She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
