Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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