my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize