I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
BRING THE BAGELS
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
