Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
