A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
