two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
