I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
