hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Randomize
